2020 will be my 10th year Paying it Forward with a new athlete.

2019 will be my 9th year Paying it Forward with a new athlete.

I just got done racing 5 weekends in a row.   And, no, I don’t recommend it – it is hard.  But, I know how to make it work for me, even in my highest levels of fatigue.

I made the choice to race 5 weekends in a row, so I alone would either reap the reward or pay the consequences of that decision.   But, I knew, if I was smart, I would be just fine.

I sponsor as many local races as I possibly can.  And, with that privilege comes responsibility.   I do the group rides, group swims, runs, training plans and even manage the Facebook pages for these groups.  And, it means I will be there on race day too.   And, while I can, I will race these races.   Some of the races have 100 athletes and some 500+.   It is a great way for me to give back but also be super involved in my community and help friends and athletes.  It is a win-win for me.

An athlete I coach recently asked me,  “What do you think about when you are racing?   I loved that question.

I don’t think.  I just do.

I know my strengths and I know my limiters. One of my best strengths and something I worked so very hard at is compartmentalization.  As a mom there were days in the past I would sleep MAYBE 4 hours at night and have to race.  Or, I would have dozens of my own athletes at a race and answer questions all morning only to turn around and race myself.   I have learned to compartmentalize everything.

I create boxes in my head.  One box is family, another is work, another is my body, another is the race, etc.  And, when I race I take out the work box and the self racing box, etc.  I leave the KID box and husband box and “I have to go grocery shopping” box on the shelf.  I do not allow myself to go there.  It is just a waste of energy and space at that time.  It is like flipping the switch.  If you can work on this innate ability, it will be the best use of your time from a mental preparation standpoint.   Don’t think about work – about your kids – about your spouse – leave that on the shelf.   COMPARTMENTALIZE your life and it makes things so much easier to live and be present.

The five races I did consisted of:  10 mile run race, Sprint Triathlon, Madison 70.3, Sprint Triathlon and another Sprint (longer one) Triathlon.

In all of those races, I never once had a watch on.    I was present and racing the competition.  What was I going to do if my watched beeped, “you are working too hard!”   Slow down?  Why?  In a ½ Ironman, of course I am prudent and smart, but in a Sprint Triathlon??  Either I am up front or I am not.  Period.  No data is going to gauge that feeling of ALL OUT for me better than my gut.   Learn how to race and learn how to suffer – and just use the data for a check in.  But, I am flying by people coming out of the water hitting buttons or fumbling w/ their watches and I just get those 10 more seconds out of myself as that unfolds.

Many of us race for different reasons.  I know myself and as I continue to get older and slower I race the competition.  Locally, I am racing every girl.  At the big races (Madison 70.3) I race my Age Group.

But, what is really important is not that I think data is bad.  Goodness no!  I coach with all the data.  What I just think is way more important is what many coaches try to teach and many athletes try to learn:   JUST DELIVER the results.

Every year I go into these races more and more scared.   Fear is healthy…if you can understand what it is there for.  I use FEAR to motivate me.  I know I am slower than I used to be (moreso on run than swim/bike), and I know, for example, the girls are getting closer to me but I just try super hard to prepare better, out transition them (I had the fastest transition for all women this past weekend of 400+ racers  – that should not happen anymore really!), I sleep more, I eat more (good foods), I mentally visualize EVERY race before I ever get there and you know what?  I am always crossing the finish line first in my own mind.   AND so on race day, all I see if me crossing the finish line first.  I don’t prepare or settle for anything less.  I always say to myself, “Jenny make them beat you.”  And, if someone beats me, then I can leave knowing I gave it my all – and isn’t that what we want?   The ability to race up to our potential?

How I look at all these races and destroying myself FOR 5 weekends in a row – vomiting up in a few of the sprints, crying in private in my shower post race because I had emptied the tank completely again.  HOW could I recover and do it again and again and again….?

What people don’t see is the private side of the athlete.  After I finished Madison 70.3 I went to my car because we were soaking wet….and I was DONE.  I had a very good race but had to fight every step for that result.  I was just flat that day.   I cried and cried (sorry, sounds so dramatic) – because I could not take another step.  I left it all out there and was just so relieved it was over.   I was allowing myself to just get it all out because I had to be to in tune and focused all damn day.

And, at 47 ½ years old, can I still be competitive?  I ask myself that EVERY winter.  And, when I did the 1^st triathlon of the 5 in a row, I was racing against some very fast girls.  In fact, I was 2^nd last year and the girl who ran 6:20s and beat me last year was racing again this year.  You better believe I was scared.  Nothing like spending your entire race being hunted down.  But, all I did was use that to motivate me to swim harder and bike even harder to put MORE time on her so those 6:20s would not catch my 40” slower per mile pace!  I did not let her beat me before I even got there – I was motivated and excited to race head to head with her!   I used that fear to push myself to the next level – and it worked.  I did beat her this year and that was my success that day.

I had to figure out how to win and then, do it better than anyone else.  I committed myself to success & excellence (and you have to determine what that success is to you) and I get ONE shot every time I race.  And, you bet your ass you would never hear me complaining that the water is too cold, or it is too hot or so and so is here racing (right Elizabeth?) – I cannot control that so you bet I would spend about 1 second worrying about any of that.  All I can control is HOW I show up and race.  Nothing rattles me.

I secretly thrive on bad conditions in training and moreso in racing.  I stand around listening to all the chatter at races and just think, “This is SO awesome, these athletes have already put themselves out of the race before it starts.  I already won.”

I have spent my entire racing life compensating for what I don’t have.  I am not the most talented athlete – absolutely not – far from it.  I coach athletes that are 100x more talented than I ever will be.  But, successful athletes make shit happen.   As Tim Grover said in his book Relentless (my favorite), “Unsuccessful people make excuses, blame everyone else, and never get past the deficiencies.”

One of the other things I really have worked hard at over the years is having the ability to adjust when things go wrong on the fly.   You drop a race bottle?  Your swim is not wetsuit legal (best news ever)?  Some athletes are paralyzed with this flexibility.  Don’t be.   That is why many athletes write race plans – it is not just “busy work” it is there to allow the athlete to think through all the scenarios and be ready for everything.  Be flexible and SO what is the swim is cancelled (I would swear privately)!  So what if the race is delayed!  Or it is raining or windy!   Just adapt.   And, be flexible.    And, rise to the occasion.

Racing in my mind when I race are a lot of quotes and mantras that personally motivate me.  I thrive on pressure.  The more pressure the better.   Tim Grover talks about how most people run from stress and don’t embrace that pressure.  I am motivated by pressure and thrive on positive stress.  “Stress keeps you sharp, it challenges you in ways you never imagined and forces you to solve issues and manage situations that send weaker people running for cover.  You can’t succeed without it.  Your level of success is defined by how well you embrace and manage it.”

I have a journal that I keep.  In this journal are all these key mantras and things that inspire me to be my best.   Tim Grover is about 50% of my quotes.  I also have little tid bits in there that someone shares with me (a friend, athlete) or someone says when they don’t think I am listening.

And, I never go into a race thinking I will be 3^rd or 1^st or 15^th.  On paper, there are many people that are faster than me that I race.   In fact, I raced against one of my athletes I coach this past weekend and on paper, aside from the swim, she is faster than me (bike and run).  And, I know her strengths/weaknesses, but that is only as good as the paper it is written on.  When that gun goes off, it becomes mind over matter.   And, it is you and the miles in between to that finish line.  And, all of those details:  The pacing, the fueling, the mental toughness, the grit – that is what will bring you to your goal, whatever that goal is.

I just wrapped up my final race of the 5 this past Sunday.  And, I was getting a little lazy with my fueling and eating (all on me).  I sometimes get REALLY tired of eating.  I really don’t love it – I love eating chocolate and crap, really, I do.  So, when I have to eat pasta and oatmeal for the 10000x time, I want to gag.  It is just tiring, honestly.  So, I woke up on Saturday morning, the day before my race and was starving.  THAT is a problem.  I had breakfast (normal stuff) and then did my short workout and then ate eggs, pancakes and all of that and then kept eating all day – just that minor miscalculation could cost me racing at 100% on Sunday.  Thankfully it was a SPRINT Triathlon, but that is when we start making mistakes – when we get tired and lackadaisical.   So, it is now time to rest my body and mind for a little bit.

Finishing up my last Triathlon of the 5 this past weekend, I literally said out loud in the final mile of the run portion, “THANK YOU BODY.”    I meant it.  I am not kind to my body and mind putting it through the ringer every weekend.  And, sometimes I have no idea how I will be able to do it again.  In fact, getting mentally ready is way harder than the physical side of the race.  My body will go on auto-pilot – I have to work really hard to get that end result.   Attack, control the race and myself and go after the win.

This blog makes me sound very cold and calculating – but I am far from that.  In fact, one of my biggest limiters is I like my competitors.  I am super social and want to sit around chatting with everyone.  But, I have learned to rise above that and get the best version of myself out of every race even while wanting to talk about kids or life with my competition.

The last quote I read on Saturday night before my last race of the 5 was this one by Tim Grover.  It fits me perfectly now:

“The challenge is staying there, and most people don’t have the balls to put in the work. If you want to be elite, you have to earn it.  Every day, everything you do.  Earn it. Prove it.  Sacrifice.”

I am not sure how much longer, at 47 I can win local races, but don’t look a gift horse in the mouth either.

Are blogs dead?  I am afraid they may be (boo!).  And, I have done little to help that phenomenon lately.  But, truth be told, I like blogs.  I like to journal and I like to read about athletes and people’s triumphs and tragedies, frankly.  Social media is great – but it is just too clean.   Blogs, although may be passé, allow us to get deeper into someone’s life AND I like that.

So, what is up?  Let’s do an update, as boring or titillating as it may be.

Racing:

Last year I loved the way that my schedule was set up.  I raced a ton and all local.  I raced 5 weekends in a row (aggressive) and then I decided to do USAT AG Nationals in August to end my season.  I loved, loved training for short course racing.  I was never gone too long, training or racing, and between raising (ie, carpooling) teenage twins and work, it was great for that time in my life.   I raced my guts out all summer and got to do what I really love to do:  Race head to head.   USAT Nationals is for me, the reason I train so hard and race.  I get to mix it up with some of the best short course athletes in the country – all head to head.  It is exhilarating and fun for me.  I really, really enjoyed it.  I left with a 7^th place finish at OLY (top 10 podium) Nationals and the Sprint Triathlon race came down to the last ½ mile, where I was in the lead and lost in the last ½ mile.  While I was surely disappointed; I left it all out there for that race and managed to walk away in 2^nd at Nationals the day after shredding myself apart in the Olympic race.  To me, that was enough.  I was nauseous for days after the effort I put forth that weekend.   I was satisfied and went into my off season.  I raced up to my potential 100%.  And, for me, that is all I ever want.

I took some time off training, like I always do each fall to recover, rejuvenate and figure out what is next.  I need to be super careful in my off season, since I coach full time, I need to make sure I take some time away from Triathlon a bit and really focus on something else.  Usually the week of Thanksgiving allows me to get away from everything and head to California with my family to visit my childhood BFF and visit sunny LA and make the trek over to Tucson to close out our visit.  I love this time with my family and it is the only time I do not work all year.  I come back from this trip ready to tackle Chicago’s winter and Christmas (favorite time of the year!) and the following year.

I have been itching to do another Ironman.  I have done 4, but each of them have been in a new age group.  I have done:  25-29, 30-34, 35-39 an 40-44.  Last time I did an IM it was Kona in 2013, when I was 42.  I am now racing 45-49 and it is time.  I waited because I really needed my kids to get their licenses before I started to train at that level again.  I did not want to miss anything major with my kids or have them miss anything because I was not around to take them to their activities.  Morgan has her license now (heaven) and Graham is slated for June 1^st.  Bittersweet for sure, but exciting freedom for them & a new phase in our lives.

With some egging on of my friend, Patrick Chalmers, we both signed up for Ironman Maryland in 2018.  I am excited to take on an Ironman again and do one aside from Kona.  My only non-Kona IM was Ironman Arizona in 2011, which I loved.  But, it was important for me to do it on a course I would like and would suit me well – Eagleman 70.3 is my all time favorite race and one I have done almost 8-9x over the years.  I decided that since I am going to do a full, I will go back to the Eagleman course and do it there.  So, 2018 is the year!  I should write about how different the IM is in each age group – I think I will do that after I finish this one!

Business:

With the downtime I had in the fall, I was itching to do something a little different too with my JHC Coaching business.  However, I did not want to change the core of my business.  I still love what I do and love the athletes and teams/groups I work with.  But, at the same time, I wanted to provide my athletes with a larger community and network of peers, sponsorship opportunities and experts.  My very good friend, Elizabeth, who runs Multisport Mastery, and I have always worked very closely together.  Over the years, we have co-coached teams, charity groups, a Para-Triathlete Olympian and top age group athletes.  We complement each other very well and it was a natural progression to combine our teams from a community perspective.  We have a very active Facebook group and are able to offer combined swim clinics, camps, educational opportunities and more.  The last two months have been fun and I know our athletes have enjoyed the comradery that the group offers.

Personal:

Every year I have done Triathlon, I have needed to find a new WHY.   I don’t really PR anymore at all – so I have to dig DEEP to figure out what I am trying to accomplish.   Train for an IM?  I better damn well have a very good reason to do that.  But, I am also not normal:  I do NOT have any issues waking up at 5:00am to train.  In fact, I have never, ever, used a snooze button.  Honestly, while I know what it is, I just never understood it.  I wake up, I get up and I go.  Now, I don’t have little babies at home either, so my nights are my own after I go to bed and that is key.  However, I like to be fit and I like to move.  I rarely get terribly out of shape.  But, there is a huge difference between training and working out.  This is the reason I have and will always have a coach (yes, Elizabeth still coaches me).  I like to work out.  I like to swim with friends.  I like to teach my Computrainer classes.  But, training is much more inclusive, specific and detailed.  I knew, once I made the commitment to big races in 2018, that I would train and not just workout as I feel.

Nevertheless, in December, I was in Key West celebrating a friend’s (Mia!) 40^th birthday and she wanted to do a 10k.  We all signed up and I thought I was in shape to run fast.   Well, I went out with the 1^st place girl, holding what I normally can hold and BAM!  I stopped right in my tracks and pissed off my hamstring.  I did not pull it, but I could NOT walk for awhile and I babied it for weeks.  That was a rude reminder that I should not chase the teenager out of the blocks while I am “working out” versus “training.”  And, a reminder that I MUST behave and be smart.   With age comes wisdom. Lots of it -luckily for me.

I am conservative (training wise) normally.  I like to do the minimum I need to perform at the level I want to perform at; however, that is a tricky line.  What is too much?  What is enough to meet my goals?  And, my goals are always aggressive, but very clear.  Otherwise, I would not do it.  I have many other hobbies (decorating my new house!) that I can do in my free time.

I am intrigued what it will take and how my body will respond in the 45-49 age group training for what I want to do at IM MD.   I recently had to add in stretching work – I see a guy named Dave from Elite Stretching regularly now to work on my hamstrings, posterior lower legs and hips.  I am tight and it only gets worse as I do triathlon longer and longer.  I also take Pilates 1x/week and have been for 5-6 years.  Again, another staple for me.  And, I take a hard TRX class for full body mobility, functionality and strength.  I like it.   But, I just really want to s/b and run and move on with myself…but I know I cannot have it all.

In a time when I do not really PR anymore, I still am grateful for the fire I still have to race and race hard.  I set new goals and new opportunities to define what it is like to race in each age group after 20 years.  I don’t need to PR anymore – but that doesn’t mean I will not go into each race I do with a very clear and aggressive goal.  Making sure I am the best version of myself at each age and setting a good example to my athletes and my children that we should never stop giving 100% and never settle – it really is the “why” I do all of this racing.   But, let’s be honest with each other – I will not give up the will and desire to win because THAT is really what drives me every day at 5am when the alarm goes off.  

“There is no celebration of any victory in the past.  Work for the next victory, the one yet to come.  You cannot allow complacency.”  BB

I am not sure what came over me, but I decided to do 4 races in 4 weeks.  I really like to race. And, as I get older, it is the “use it or lose it” mentality.  I enjoy training, but if I can just race every weekend and do limited training in and out of these races, that makes me happy.  In the early summer with the kids home, working, and well, just wanting to go canoeing, out at night, drinking wine and frankly sleeping a bit, I thought it would be a good idea.  I really want it all (who doesn’t), but something always has to give…Damnit!  😊

Three of the four races were local – and started at 6:30am, so I was home by 10am or so – way before my teenagers knew what was going on.   The fourth race was Madison 70.3 and required a road trip, but that was a good mini- get away for me!

June 4^th:  Sprint Triathlon

June 11^th:  Madison 70.3

June 18^th:  Sprint Triathlon

June 25^th:  Sprint Triathlon

As to be expected, the June 4^th race I felt AMAZING.  Racing again, fresh, bam!  I ended up crossing the finish line in first but was beaten by a girl from the back.  The race was super hilly (for our standards) and it was a 3 x 1 mile loop on the run and I hammered the downhill on that run only thinking about:  1.) winning and/or 2.) how this is going to impact my race in Madison the following weekend.  GAH!  I have never raced the weekend before a Half Ironman.  But, you need to mix things up sometimes and try it or you never know.

I recovered well and rolled right into Madison 70.3.  The good thing about racing so much is that you do become a robot.  Train, sleep, eat and race.  Pretty much all week.  So, as I recovered from the 1^st Sprint, I was getting mentally ready for a hilly and hot Half Ironman.

Elizabeth and I were traveling together to Madison.  We both had a big group of athletes up there racing and were both eager to race long again.  Honestly, the Half Ironman is my favorite distance and one I wish I raced more, but the “longer” bikes always persuade me to stick to short course racing sometimes.

The Madison 70.3 was a new course this year.  Hilly.  And, the temperatures were in the mid 90s.  We knew that this course would reward the patient and the strongest for sure.  We drove the bike course (thankfully we did that!)  and stopped about half way through because some CHICKEN STORE seemed to be more interesting than the 56 mile bike route we were driving.  It was 95F degrees, we were in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin but came to an oasis of quaint little stores that Elizabeth and I needed to stop and shop – so we did!  Chicken store was a disappointment, but the town was worth the stop.

Also, for the 70.3, we just ate so much food on Saturday.  That is probably one of my least favorite parts of racing.   Sure, I get to eat a lot of food, but it is not what I would eat in one day:   CARBS and more CARBS.  Pancakes, Sub sandwiches, pasta, pretzels.  Nothing I don’t normally eat, but all in 12 hours of the day?   Yuck.   But, we were ready.   And, that really helps when we are racing for 5 hours.

Madison did not disappoint.  I really love that town.  And, the course was hard.  The swim was easy – but HOT- I found the 71F water temps hot – I am always hot in the water (ugh).  But, I came out in 30 minutes – so not a bad swim for me, but nothing spectacular either.  It was a rolling start and frankly, I hated it.  I want to go head to head with the girls I am racing.  I want contact! I want aggressive water, chop and tons of swimmers.  I am not a fan of the Ironman wave starts.  I call it the “pussification” of our sport.  Now, I realize some of you like it, but, what happens when we do bigger races like Naitonals and Kona and we must fight for our position and fight to be up front in those mass starts?  I am just not a fan of the “soft entry” and everyone having their own water given to them.   But, that is just me.  So, I found the swim easy and boring because of this.

The bike at Madison was hard.  I was a little under-prepared for it.  But, that was my own fault.  I had the miles in my legs and the training, but I lacked the bike handling skills at descending at 40 mph and stopping quickly and turning.  Plus, I had a bike mechanical on the course.  Because the roads were in such poor shape, as the pounding intensified out there, my aero bars came loose and were soon (at mile 30 ish) wiggling all over the place.   And, it was windy that day, so I was trying to over-steer to correct, could not ride aero at all after mile 30.   Thankfully, I could manage the mechanical, but it was not fun.  I had to ride a bit more conservatively than I would like and it landed me a slow (er) bike time than I wanted at 2:5x.

The ironic part of this is that no one in my AG passed me.  Sure, I had some other girls pass me on the bike (Erin K, Angela Kidd) but NEVER saw another 45-49 AG girl ALL DAY LONG.  Either I was in last or still up front.   And, I knew, Megan James, who I coach, was up in 1^st because she would swim 27-28 minutes (she did).

During the bike, the patience paid off.   While I was slow and under-rode the course, I was able to get in all my nutrition.  I drank SIX bottles in 2:5x.  I took in salt, a Powerbar, 4-5 gels.  I was feeling great and managing the heat well.  I even wore my white cooling jersey I wear in Kona and it was great!

I had no idea where I was when I got off the bike.  There was only 1 bike in transition for the AG (Megan) and I did not see another bike.  But, with the TT start, I was racing the clock not the girls!  (Reason 450388383 I do not like the TT starts- let me race head to head not some stupid clock!).   Anyway, I sat down in T2 and peed while I put my shoes on and off I went.

The first mile is never awesome, but I settled in to a good pace and went off.  The run is a huge loop around the lake with only one small place to see the competition, but that is at mile 1, so that is not super helpful.  But, as the run went on, I was noticing no one was passing me and no one was moving fast.  At this point of the day, it was hot and windy.  I did not find the run as hard as everyone described.  Sure, it was rolling and HOT but it was not as challenging as the bike, frankly.

Anyway, I was in no man’s land.  I NEVER SAW another female really out there.  One 28 year old ran by me and she was moving – but otherwise, no one.  I ran as hard as I could.  Took ice (and put in my sports bra) at every aide station, water at every aide station.  Carried salt and my sports drink in my hand held.  I took gels every 30-40 minutes – I was a robot and if I could keep cool, I was moving swiftly comparatively.

But, it was hard (duh).  And, while I could feel the fatigue and heat as the miles clicked on, I was determined to not give up one second or give one inch.  I was hoping to get top 5 in my AG, but, I knew they were breathing down my neck and chasing me from behind.  It was purely mind over matter.  Nothing else prepares  you for the last 5k of a hot and hilly half ironman – except to dig deeper and push harder and turn yourself inside out to get to that line.  Go fast where others go slow.

I was thrilled to see the finish line!  I finally crossed in my slowest HIM time but for some reason, I had a feeling it was going to be good enough for the day.  And, that was all that mattered.  Times, watts – > none of that matters if you are 1^st, does it?  I did not even use data out there – I had my power on, but could not really read it and I ran and swam naked.   I ended up 2^nd in the Age Group behind my athlete, Megan James who had a great day.   And, I was absolutely content with 2^nd place.  Even if I did not have the bike mechanical, I am not sure I could have caught Megan, so all in all, I was happy.  I could walk away knowing I did my best and move on.

It was just a fun weekend.  Elizabeth and I had fun, stopping for chicken stores and beer and DQ (priorities) and we both raced well (Elizabeth was 3^rd AG) and we both had athletes that did great up there and socialize a bit.  A nice get away for both of us.

After Madison I could barely walk.  I was so tired and just absolutely spent – more mentally than physically after a race like that, but I had to figure out how to recover and do a SPRINT triathlon 6 days later.

Race #3 was my hometown race.  A race that is near and dear to me and one that I have done 9 times out of 10 (I was at Eagleman 70.3 one year) and won all the years but one.  This year; however, since it was the 10^th anniversary, they added a prize purse for the elite girls – so that meant all my fast friends decided to come out for it.   But, that is OK – the more competition the better!    Thankfully the elite wave all started together so we could race head to head!

I ended up 3^rd OA after Jenny Garrison and Jacqui Guiliano, so I was in good company.  I felt ok out there.  I felt GREAT in the swim – but I can do this swim with my eyes closed and that helped me on race morning as some of the MMTT (Elite Kids triathlon team) went too wide, I kept it short and beat them to the buoy.  I felt tired on the bike and so-so on the run.   All in all, not a bad race considering this was my 3^rd weekend of racing.

But, I had to will myself to run hard – the run felt HARD and I was under a ton of fatigue.  I just kept telling myself, “Just get it done, do the work, suffer, suffer, dig, dig.”  That was all.  Usually this race is not as competitive and I can relax a bit – NOT this year (of course)…so I had to push from start to finish.

Then, just yesterday I raced my 4^th race in as many weeks.  I did Twin Lakes – a local, fun race I have done a number of times.  First time I did this race was in 1997.  I was 3^rd OA then and was racing under Jenny Parker (as I got married later in 1997).  The last ~6 years or so I have won this race and consider it another local/hometown race.  I love the atmosphere of this race:  old and new friends, many of my athletes- just so laid back and fun.  And, that is why I do it every year.  I love the social scene of racing.

Weather was perfect.  In fact, it was cold for many (the colder the better for me), as it was 52F at the start!   OH YES!   That means one thing:  FAST.   People said it was windy, I really did not notice that, but the bike was only 14 miles.  The run here is 4.5 miles, so it is really a runner’s race.

Again, it was a TT start (gah) but I did go off in the first group of 3, so I was able to know where I was all day.  I LOVE racing off the front.  I remember, back in the day, working so hard to catch anyone in front of me, now, with my swim, I work on holding anyone off.  It was a hard thing to learn -HOW to race like that and not over-bike, etc., but now I love it – even if it is lonely sometimes.  And, I remember that switch from coming from behind to the front over the years – it was something I had to figure out and learn how to race a little differently and change up some of my tactics.

I was 2^nd onto my bike behind my good friend, Dean Hewson.  He is a great athlete, so my goal was to keep him and the cop car in my sights for as long as I could.  This year I was able to stay closer to him and I actually felt AWESOME on the bike.  I never looked at my computer as I was just RACING to hold off the girls and trying to keep Dean in sight (that lasted only about 8miles or so).  As long as I am in front, watts don’t really matter at a race that short.

I came into T2 as the 1^st girl, but due to the wave start that does not mean that much and I knew there were fast girls behind me.  I was a little surprised Aneta did not catch me on the bike – she is a great cyclist, frankly.  But, I headed out and the run felt pretty horrible.  FINALLY the races caught up to me – I was tired and could feel the fatigue in my body. The weather saved my A$$ because I felt like I was running fast, but I was thinking it may not be enough to hold the girls off.

Never ever look back, right?   At mile 3.75 or so, I could see the 2^nd place girl gaining on me.  She was flying!   Damnit!  I went as hard as I could and knew EVERY.SECOND.MATTERED.  I crossed the finish line in 1^st.  But, then it is a waiting game (did I mention I hate TT starts?).

At the end of the day, I did win OA, but only by THREE SECONDS.  I just had to laugh.  I have always thought to myself, “WHEN will you feel this shift, Jen?”  Well, it is almost there at 46.  While I am not running that much slower – overall I am a little bit slower, YES.  And, the girls are getting faster.

The girl that ended up 2^nd ran 6:27 pace for 4.5 miles.  I ran 6:5x pace.  She is ~35 years old.  But, what was the icing on the cake?  This was HER FIRST TRIATHLON ever.  She is a runner, clearly, but OMG.  Just so impressive.   I thought that was just awesome.  I was telling her to get out and race more now!

Yesterday post race I was EXHAUSTED.

I was so tired I forget to even get DQ!  I did get some Entenman’s donuts (another vice of mine), but I have had enough DQ, it is time to get a grip!

Four races in Four weeks was fun!  In fact, it was perfect for me.  I love to race & I worked hard this winter and early spring, so I could get away with this.  But, unfortunately when you race that much, you also lose a little bit of fitness & you are tired.  Back to the grind after I recover from this race and go to NYC this weekend with my Mom and Morgan for some R&R!

Next up:  A local OLY in July and then USAT Nationals in August.  I will finally get my mass start at Nationals!

I am excited to announce I will be doing Pay It Forward for 2017 again! I have thoroughly enjoyed working with the past winners: Dan M, Cathy B, Courtney, Alisa D, Jeff Vanis & Nicole H.

2017 will be my 7th year Paying it Forward with a new athlete.

IM WI Party 2011

Hey athletes! Are you a beginner? Did you catch Ironman fever or get talked into signing up for your first half or full Ironman?

WE have the program for YOU!

“Journey to the Finish Line” with experienced coaches Jenny Parker Harrison& Elizabeth Waterstraat!

Elizabeth and I are excited to offer another great program to each of our coaching businesses.

“In Between.”  That is what I am calling this year.  I am in between making any major decisions in racing and training.  I loved last season.  I raced short, hard, local and culminated my season with the USAT National Championships in MLK and ITU AG Worlds in Chicago.  I had fun.  I raced well and at the end of the season I was satisfied.

My days, nights and weekends are filled with Triathlon.  Aside from my family and friends, Triathlon is my life’s work.  When most people sit in meetings and think about ways to design websites, or teach our youth or serve our country, I decided to help people reach their Triathlon goals.  Most non-Triathletes kind of look at me funny when I tell them what I do for a living.  “You do WHAT??”  They are trying – really hard – to understand HOW this job allows me to pay the bills and more shockingly, how I can do it all the time – All day looking at data numbers, answering the thousands of emails and managing athlete’s on-going expectations, fears, disappoints and successes in a very timely manner.

It is not a glamourous lifestyle I have chosen.  In fact, most nights you will find me reading trashy magazines or unwinding in front of some really bad TV (all while answering the constant incoming emails and Training Peaks updates).  I need that – just like everyone needs to unplug from their job – I have a small window in which I can do that since I am an athlete too.  I have worked over the years to be able to “switch” on and off.  I can go from coaching athletes, answering questions pre-race to jumping into the race and racing myself.  I am able to leave the worry, stress and busy-ness aside, compartmentalize my race and pivot on a dime and be in the moment and race for myself.

When I finished my 2015 season, I was starting to think about 2016.  What did I really want to do and the age old question, “what excites me?”  The catch was we were in the midst of living in a small, apartment (with 2 teenagers, let me tell you – THAT is a blog for another time) all while we were building our dream house with our Builder.  It was like after all these years of swim/bike/run, a spark went off and I was loving the new adventures.  I was spending my free time picking out door knobs, doors, paint colors and even flowers.  My free time was obsessing over Pinterest and HOUZZ pictures.

The last few months of the build was like a wedding – all the stress, money flying out the bank, excitement and anticipation.  I realize it was “only” a house.  But, to us, it was the culmination of a dream and hard work (and saving!).   Once we closed on our house in mid-February I was much more interested in picking out lights than I was riding my bike for 4 hours.  I was already spending all my working hours coaching Triathletes, I wanted my “free” time to be a Mom and “workout” and then do house stuff.

When you have teenagers, it is an icy road.  Sometimes you are needed and sometimes they look at you like you are a complete alien.  It is a rollercoaster to say the least.  The good news is that while this is a challenging age of our kids (middle school – YUCK) this too shall pass and they will eventually not think we suck so bad.  You go from the kids really needing you to “Mom, can you just drop me and 100 of my friends off and pick us up at 10:30pm?”  That is just how it is now.  Drive, drop off, pick up.  Repeat.  And, if I am lucky a kiss in between.  And, 10:30pm?  Way past my bedtime.

The point is – my role of Mom has changed too in the last year.  I went from having babies, toddlers and then kids to teenagers and young adults.  The real world is right in front of their faces and I did not want to miss anything.  I wanted to be there (and I was) the minute Morgan’s BFF called and said she may be moving.  No matter how much teenagers roll their eyes and grunt, they still (deep, deep down) need that hug and unconditional love.

So, while I was thinking of my 2016 I decided I did not want to travel. No planes.  I wanted to race local so I could drive to the race, race and be home by 10am or lunchtime.   I also decided no long course racing.  While I could spend my mornings riding my bike, I was not willing to give up my weekends and all the soccer games, sleepovers and kid things that I may miss if I was on my bike riding 100 miles.  I wanted to do summer stuff w the kids in my free time.  I am already at my desk most of the day – so I wanted my precious “non working” time to be available to them.

I still have the urge to do another Ironman, but the good news is that Ironman is not going anywhere.  And, my kids are.

This season I have raced 6x so far – all Sprints and run races and 1 Olympic.  I was cracking myself up though because the Olympic felt long!  I have not ridden my bike longer than 2 hours all year (aside from my times in Tucson).  I do not feel the pressure to nail this time or that time.  I really just train.  Instead of my normal training load, I am “only” training 10-12 hours/week.  That is just so dreamy!  I get up, train early and then have my day to work all day and my nights free to be Mom and do house stuff.

I have loved it.  I go to all the local races, see my athletes, see my friends and socialize.  Oh, and race too.  Don’t think I have lost my competitive fire – oh, not at all.  I am working less but still working hard and taking care of all the details that are necessary to succeed.  I am still racing at 45 and am able to continue to perform well and have fun.

This year I went back to my first ever Triathlon in my hometown.  It is a 400m swim, 12.8 mile bike and 5k.  I warmed up by my childhood house – the course took me all around going past all the places I went as a kid and all my friend’s houses.  I was on that line of working hard I wanted to vomit AND getting all nostalgic.  I was interviewed after the race (because I won) and they were in awe that I had raced there 20+ years ago and decided to just come back in 2016.

And, if you think my competitive fire is gone – don’t be silly.  I secretly went to break the Course Record.  I thought that would be so cool.   Not only go back to my first triathlon, but at age 45 break the course record.  I did.  There was no hoopla over it, no neon lights – just an internal satisfaction all to myself

As I look at the rest of the season, I have another local, competitive Sprint this weekend and then I have not decided what I will do apart from a couple of ½ marathons.  I am taking the weeks as they come and continue to stay in shape so I can “jump” into anything I would like on the fly.

I still cannot find my aero helmet from the move.  I have no power on my bike outside.  I have not raced with a watch all year and I do not have a bike computer on my bike.  I just race and race 100% – when you race short course, it is just about going as hard as you can to get up to the front or stay up front the entire time.  It is refreshing and fun and frankly, the way I like to race.  Back to the basics and rawness of competing, which is how I started 20 years ago before all the hoopla of data and comparisons.  And, I do NOT miss being tired all the time!

“Don’t mistake activity with achievement.” Coach John Wooden

There has been a ton of activity in our life the last 4-6 months.  Most of it was very exciting; but, truthfully, most of it stressful.  Jerome and I bought a Lot in 2011 during our taper for IM Arizona.  (You think you have taper issues?).   Our twins were 9.  We drew up plans for our dream house and put our house on the market.  Then, we hit a recession. Our house took 2 1/2 years to sell. 

Fast forward to 2015 and we moved out of our 15 year house (our first, cute little 1880s house).  We lived, with now, 13-14 year old teenagers, in a rental apartment.  We spent our free time designing our house.  We picked out EVERYTHING in our house.  Knobs, toilets, paint colors, floor plank width, heights of ceilings – you name it, we picked it out.   It was invigorating!  I was able to spend my free time obsessing over Pinterest and HOUZZ.  I was able to take a breather from reading about swim/bike and run and instead obsess (if you want to know ALL about grey paint, call me) about everything you need to know about house building.   The good, bad and ugly.

I loved our General Contractor.  We grew up in the same hometown and have a lot of the same circle of friends.  He was a referral from some good friends.  The GC and I spent A LOT of time together.  He runs (not literally) as fast as I do – so there were days we would rip each other apart because when you get two overly intense people together —> BAM.  Jerome would sweep in and save the day, typically.  He is not a morning person and I am.  He always wanted to talk around 9pm at night.  It didn’t take long before we started to understand one another.  I am fiercely organized.  Our GC:  not so much.  

We are now in the new house.   We moved in over Valentine’s Day weekend (it was -5F out and windchill -25F – awesome) and we just closed this past Monday.  We were so relieved, it is like we finally are sleeping and breathing freely now.

Looking back, I am not sure why it was SO stressful, but it was.  Like most new home builders, we were bleeding money. Everything was “another $1,000.”   And, I was in massive decision fatigue.  I was so tired of making decision I couldn’t even pick out a salad at Panera one day.  My phone rang constantly about the trade guys needing this and that, the lights need to be picked out in the next 3 days, the fans don’t fit, the tub pump is not the right one…I realize these are 1st world problems, but for someone (ME) who likes everything to run smoothly -this was a pure test of my patience.  

And, I am all about integrity.  If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing right.   This motto of mine was tested daily with tons of guys in and out of this house…not showing up, not doing a good job.  Finally, I was so fed up with one of the trades (roofer) that when he came to the house and the GC did not handle the situation, I went right up to him and got into his personal space and absolutely fired him off the job.  Told him not to come back and I would not be paying him out.  And, to call my attorney if he wants to talk about any leins.  I was so disgusted.  I am so lucky that I usually only deal with high quality people — I am a Triathlon coach and that affords me the luxury to deal with people that are passionate about being awesome.  So, this was my first rodeo with the trades.  I learned a ton about people during this process.

Further, I was not sleeping.  In fact, I started to lose weight.  First 5 lbs.  Then, 8 lbs…and then, the wheels came off in December. December is a very busy coaching month for me – all the re-starts and new starts for 1/1, the holidays, kids off school, shopping, etc…and we were supposed to be in the house by Christmas and were not.   I almost became completely un-glued.   i had no appetite.   

During all of this, I never stopped training.  However, “training” is all relative, really.  Last year I LOVED my season.  I did all short course racing culminating with ITU Worlds Short Course in September.  It was perfect for me with the house, teenagers and working. I took some time off post Worlds and then started to get back into things.   Honestly, I like being fit.  I have never not been fit, except when I was pregnant with the twins.  Otherwise, I am super consistent and like to have a “base” so that I can leap off that platform and race what interests me when the spring/summer rolls around.

But, in December I was out running – doing a 2nd workout of the day and I just stopped and cried.  It was freezing out and I was cold, too thin (no appetite, not eating AND NOT SLEEPING) and I had enough.  I am like, “Why can’t I just step away from this??”  It is so hard when this is what you do and you do not know how to slow your roll.   This is my 21st year of racing.   I aged up to 45-49.  I wanted to race and had huge goals for an IM this year.  And, while it was only December – things were crashing around me in regards to my training.  I was still doing the workouts and hitting the paces, but I was dreading them.  

It is funny how the body and mind work.  You can trick your body easily to do what the mind wants.  But, you know what you cannot trick?  Your gut.  I woke up on Saturdays and always wanted to do a short run, but was happy to go and run 5-7 miles and then get showered and go to the TILE store and pick out tile with Jerome.   I no longer wanted to spend large chunks of the day training OR recovering from training.  I could not train long or too hard because then I was too tired to do anything major like shop for countertops all afternoon!  

And, because I coach and my job is to inspire and motivate and lead people all day – the last thing people need or want to hear about is me crying on my runs in the ice cold, dark days.  So, I kept my mouth shut, put my head down and kept things pretty private (which is not like me).

45 has been an eye opening year for me.  I never had a mid-life crisis.  But, I think this year has really been a game changer for me.  I realized many things this short year.   My life just got REAL.  My friends are getting cancer.  My friend’s parents are sick and starting to pass away.  My friend’s kids are having real life altering problems & issues.  And, frankly, raising teenagers is not easy.  It is 100x harder than anyone can ever tell you.  Jerome and I looked at one another the other day and said, “THIS is parenting now?”  Sex, middle school, hormones and complacency?  Gah.   I want to turn my parent card back in.  Boys are hard in their own way, but girls…….OH GIRLS.   And, Morgan is a dream, but that does not mean 8th grade is any easier.   Helping the kids navigate through middle school is hard.

I realized I really just want to be around people that are positive, inspiring and truly care.  I want to entertain people at my house.   I want to have lunch with my friends and go brunch with my neighbors.  It is like a turned in my “young” card and upgraded to a “responsible living” card holder.  Not to be mistaken for your AARP card.  I am not there yet.

During that run where I cried – I decided I had to hit the “pause” button.  I realized this winter I wanted to pick out window treatments for 2 hours instead of ride my bike for 2 hours.  I started to look at Training Peaks and be happy when there was only 10-12 hours in it!   In the past, I would be moaning that was my rest week.  And, I realized it was okay.  The house gave me another sense of excitement and fulfillment.  It was that “break” I was looking for to hit the “reset” button.   I did not know I needed it, but when it came into my life, I fought it and then realized –>  I just cannot do it all well.    And, I was tired of trying to do it all well.   I think if this was my 5th or 10th year racing/training, I may feel differently.  But, 21 years?   I mean, really, it is okay, Jenny.

But, the catch is this.  I am still in shape and fit.  I am not sandbagging my fitness (I hate when people do that).  I am here to say, I still train every day.  Today I swam 3700 yards and ran 6 miles.  Now that we are in the house, I can breathe and get some normalcy back.  However, I really have to think about my season and if I really want to spend my days on the bike.  The runs and swims are easy, but hours and hours on the bike is the game changer.  You either want it or you don’t.  There is no in between for the goals I would have.  I would have to alter my expectations or training.  Because, I know what it takes and what sacrifices have to be made to meet those goals for long course.

And, on the flip side, I keep enjoying my coaching and doing more and more of it.  I started to take on new, fun and challenging opportunities.  I spend all my days coaching and working and frankly, I love it.   I workout at 5am every day and then work (yes, like a normal person).  Then, I run or bike at lunch, if I need to.  This passion for coaching has not changed – my love and excitement to coach has almost nearly exceeded my own passion for racing.  And, I knew this would happen and I am excited that it has.  I got into a pattern where I would get up early (before 5am) workout and take a shower, put on make up and start my day. I cannot believe I like that, but I do.   And, I have agreed to stop berating myself about it.  

It is now March.  I am racing a 1/2 Marathon in a few weeks and have my JHC Camp later in March.  I am excited about both.  I have not signed up for any Triathlons yet this summer.  I will race.  I love it, but I am definitely thinking short and local.  Pop in and race for 1-2 hours and be home by 10am to wash my windows.   Sounds dreamy, right?

Don’t answer that! 🙂